I have black pants!

Those of you who have me friended on Facebook already saw the weird status update I posted last week: I have black pants! And that's different how? you may have wondered. Is there any woman out there who doesn't own a pair of trousers in black, that most basic of neutrals, that most slimming of colors?

Of course my wardrobe wasn't lacking before last week; it's just that this pair of black pants is special. They're taekwondo pants, and they're symbolic: only official, certified instructors are allowed to wear black pants. That's right: the certified childhood klutz is now a nationally certified instructor of taekwondo. I have a plaque and everything. I have a patch on my arm that says "Instructor." And I have black pants!

Maybe I sound a bit obsessive about the black pants. But hey, look at the uniform. A taekwondo uniform (called a toe-balk) is not designed for the female form. The top is like a big square box with two rectangles attached for sleeves. The pants don't have any curves, either; they're straight up-and-down, with heavy-duty elastic at the waist. So by the time you wrap a belt around your waist, there's a ton of extra fabric underneath. No wonder when people from the studio see me outside of class, they have trouble recognizing me.

So I'm happy to have my black tkd pants. They're a bit more flattering, plus they look cool, almost ninja-like. They hide the dirt when I'm doing take-downs and end up rolling on the ground. And they represent a real achievement: I'm a documented, official, certified instructor. And who would have predicted that?